When Reality is Being Rewritten

What many people are experiencing right now isn’t just grief or outrage. It’s something more destabilizing.

Why I’m Interrupting the Series

I want to pause our current series for a moment.

Not because the work we’ve been doing isn’t important, but because something heavier is happening in the collective body right now. I can feel it in conversations, comments, messages, and in my own nervous system.

People aren’t just angry.
They’re disoriented.

And I thought I would share with you why I think that is and invite you to talk about it, if you want.

What This Moment Is Doing to Us

What many people are experiencing right now isn’t just grief or outrage. It’s something more destabilizing.

It’s the feeling of watching harm happen (sometimes with footage) and then being told:

That experience has a name: gaslighting.

Gaslighting doesn’t just deny facts. It erodes trust in your own perception. It leaves you anxious, angry, exhausted, and questioning your sanity.

If that’s you right now, let me say this clearly:

You are not crazy.

Why This Feels Familiar (for Some More Than Others)

I’ve seen this pattern before.

I lived it in fundamentalist religion, where harm was reframed as holiness and questions were labeled rebellion.

I’ve seen it in relationships, where accountability was avoided by shifting blame.

And I’ve seen it in addiction, where reality gets rewritten because owning the truth would require change.

Different settings.
Same move.

Gaslighting is what happens when accountability is too costly, so reality becomes negotiable.

And when this happens at a systemic level, it doesn’t just confuse individuals, it shapes culture.

From Personal to Public

Sometimes gaslighting isn’t personal.

It’s public.

It's societal.

It’s institutions and systems insisting on a cleaner story than the evidence allows. It’s power asking people to distrust their eyes and outsource their conscience.

That’s not an accident.
That’s how empire sustains itself - not just through force, but through narrative control.

So How Do We Live Without Losing Ourselves?

This is where living parallel matters.

Living parallel doesn’t mean disengaging or pretending none of this is real. It means refusing to let empire shape your soul.

There’s a story from the Vietnam era about a man who stood outside the White House night after night holding a candle. When someone mocked him and said, “Do you really think this will change anything?” he replied:

That’s the heart of it.

Practices for Living Parallel (Right Now)

Here are a few ways to stay grounded without going numb:

• Limit the noise. Stay informed, but don’t marinate in outrage.
• Name the truth once, then rest. Witness doesn’t require constant performance.
• Care locally. Empire is abstract. Care is concrete.
• Choose people over platforms. Real conversations matter more than comment sections.
• Hold boundaries without guilt. Mute, block, step away. That’s stewardship.
• Grieve on purpose. Lament keeps anger from hardening into hate.
• Keep your ethic clean. No dehumanizing language. No cheering harm.
• Make beauty anyway. Art, prayer, rest, laughter — these keep us human.

From Bitter to Better

This moment is bitter. There’s no need to sugarcoat that.

But becoming better doesn’t mean becoming louder, crueler, or more reactive. It means becoming more rooted, more honest, and more human - even when the world is trying to pull us apart.

If you’re wrestling with this right now, you’re not failing.
You’re waking up.

And you don’t have to do that alone.

If this landed with you, I’d love to hear how you’re staying grounded right now. You can reply to this email - I read them.

Next week, we’ll return to the series.
But sometimes the most faithful thing to do is pause… and tend the moment we’re actually in.

​
​ Tobias​
From Bitter to Better
🌐 tobiasneal.me | 📸 @tobias.neal​

If you’re reading this as a subscriber - thank you for being here.

If you want to follow along more closely, share with others, or catch up on past issues, everything lives on the site as well.

👉 Subscribe or read along here: Posts | FROM BITTER TO BETTER...​

​
Follow along on my socials for more reflections and encouragement. (Instagram, Facebook, and Threads) Let’s keep walking this journey together.

If you would like to read past Newsletter/Blog Posts you can do so here!

Looking for a speaker to spark reflection, connection, and conversation? Hit reply and let’s connect, I’d be honored to join your event.

🖤 Bitterness ends here. But the work keeps going.